20th Nov ‘07
I am reminded of times as a child when for no apparent external reason my heart felt broken, trampled and empty. On these occasions I would secretly pray to God for help. (It had to be secretly because someone I loved and respected had told me when I was very young that there was no God and I was stupid for being so gullible.) This happened many times, feeling lost, alone and empty as if a yawning hole had opened up inside, revealing my true nature and my immature mind-body couldn’t help but overflow into despair.
During today’s sitting there was another very vivid experience which has happened many times in my life. Often it has occurred when I am trying to get to sleep and the feeling of the body would start ballooning out until it felt 10 feet tall and just as wide, but still with the form in proportion. Like a giant dough boy. Accompanying this was a taste, sharply metallic is the only way I can describe it. I knew this taste and feeling very deeply. I would often try to place it and bring it into memory, but I never could.
This instep of the mind trying to place the experience inevitably dissolved it and again it was gone, leaving behind only the bewilderment of an answer being on the tip of my tongue. Over time I learned not to go looking for the memory, but to just let it be. This was an important learning which allows any experiences to come and go without attempting to manipulate or direct them in any way.
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22nd Nov ‘07
I felt a bucket of dread pour over the head and run slowly down the spine where the mind wanted to hang onto it and create a performance with it. This was clearly seen and was ignored through pin pointed practice. Although the dread or “fear of death” came up on many occasions, through this process it naturally was deeply faced and accepted into the being.
It was this afternoon that a revelation occurred which would change everything and turn my life upside down (for more details see Powerful Peace Program™).
Showing posts with label Exclusive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Exclusive. Show all posts
Monday, March 24, 2008
1st & 2nd Jan ‘08
Tues 1st Jan ‘08
The main things which I have been noticing are the things which have fallen away. It is almost shocking to see that there are no reactive ‘buttons’. This covers so much more than I could have possibly imagined. It means that whatever circumstances occur in life nothing can cause an internal waver or reaction of any kind. This goes for all aspects, both negative and positive. There are no upsetting/emotional or satisfaction/gratification reactions from any circumstances.
There is no-one here to look a certain way, come across a certain way or make any impression whatsoever. There is no-one here at all.
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Wed 2nd Jan ‘08
With the falling away of the complexities of life over the past 4 years, through practice and many brick walls, life has become its own routine. Not dull and tedious, but still with a definite schedule in order to get everything done. The creating of more and more jobs to be done is no longer the case and in its place a simplicity and minimalist attitude has brought with it quite a structured routine. Within this routine all responsibilities are cared for thoroughly and simply and the space is then available for more sitting.
This routine has been the savings grace over these past weeks (now known to have been the process of the dissolution of Self or no-self). It has meant that life can go on without thought, as the routine has become somewhat automatic. Therefore nothing has essentially changed from the outward day to day side of things, although it is now down to the bare minimum. The garden is left to grow, the house is cleaned once a week, and lunch is eating crackers and cheese more and more out of sheer disinterest in food. Food is still being forced down as much as possible, in order to not fall into bad habits and to keep the physical energy levels from plummeting even further.
Without the input of the mind adding memory and feeling to things, like food, disinterest is bound to follow. It is amazing how seeing things as they truly are brings everything to the same level of insignificance. The routine has also meant that there was no chance of forgetting anything, like feeding the cat for instance. Looking in retrospect, without this routine, forgetting to ‘bother’ would have been very easy. Nothing seems to matter; it is all empty and meaningless.
Silence is the only respite, and is gratefully here at all times.
The main things which I have been noticing are the things which have fallen away. It is almost shocking to see that there are no reactive ‘buttons’. This covers so much more than I could have possibly imagined. It means that whatever circumstances occur in life nothing can cause an internal waver or reaction of any kind. This goes for all aspects, both negative and positive. There are no upsetting/emotional or satisfaction/gratification reactions from any circumstances.
There is no-one here to look a certain way, come across a certain way or make any impression whatsoever. There is no-one here at all.
---
Wed 2nd Jan ‘08
With the falling away of the complexities of life over the past 4 years, through practice and many brick walls, life has become its own routine. Not dull and tedious, but still with a definite schedule in order to get everything done. The creating of more and more jobs to be done is no longer the case and in its place a simplicity and minimalist attitude has brought with it quite a structured routine. Within this routine all responsibilities are cared for thoroughly and simply and the space is then available for more sitting.
This routine has been the savings grace over these past weeks (now known to have been the process of the dissolution of Self or no-self). It has meant that life can go on without thought, as the routine has become somewhat automatic. Therefore nothing has essentially changed from the outward day to day side of things, although it is now down to the bare minimum. The garden is left to grow, the house is cleaned once a week, and lunch is eating crackers and cheese more and more out of sheer disinterest in food. Food is still being forced down as much as possible, in order to not fall into bad habits and to keep the physical energy levels from plummeting even further.
Without the input of the mind adding memory and feeling to things, like food, disinterest is bound to follow. It is amazing how seeing things as they truly are brings everything to the same level of insignificance. The routine has also meant that there was no chance of forgetting anything, like feeding the cat for instance. Looking in retrospect, without this routine, forgetting to ‘bother’ would have been very easy. Nothing seems to matter; it is all empty and meaningless.
Silence is the only respite, and is gratefully here at all times.
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