20th Nov ‘07
I am reminded of times as a child when for no apparent external reason my heart felt broken, trampled and empty. On these occasions I would secretly pray to God for help. (It had to be secretly because someone I loved and respected had told me when I was very young that there was no God and I was stupid for being so gullible.) This happened many times, feeling lost, alone and empty as if a yawning hole had opened up inside, revealing my true nature and my immature mind-body couldn’t help but overflow into despair.
During today’s sitting there was another very vivid experience which has happened many times in my life. Often it has occurred when I am trying to get to sleep and the feeling of the body would start ballooning out until it felt 10 feet tall and just as wide, but still with the form in proportion. Like a giant dough boy. Accompanying this was a taste, sharply metallic is the only way I can describe it. I knew this taste and feeling very deeply. I would often try to place it and bring it into memory, but I never could.
This instep of the mind trying to place the experience inevitably dissolved it and again it was gone, leaving behind only the bewilderment of an answer being on the tip of my tongue. Over time I learned not to go looking for the memory, but to just let it be. This was an important learning which allows any experiences to come and go without attempting to manipulate or direct them in any way.
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22nd Nov ‘07
I felt a bucket of dread pour over the head and run slowly down the spine where the mind wanted to hang onto it and create a performance with it. This was clearly seen and was ignored through pin pointed practice. Although the dread or “fear of death” came up on many occasions, through this process it naturally was deeply faced and accepted into the being.
It was this afternoon that a revelation occurred which would change everything and turn my life upside down (for more details see Powerful Peace Program™).
